


Better in the Light of Day

by Madiedoodle



Series: The Good and the Bad [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bucky had a bad nightmare, M/M, Not Fluff, it ends sort of cute though, this ones a sad one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 13:27:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5207540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madiedoodle/pseuds/Madiedoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nightmares were something that Bucky was used too, something that had started to happen frequently once his programming had become faulty, and especially as he started to regain his memories. He relived things, in his nightmares, kills and torture and slowly losing his own soul to the hands of HYDRA. But those nightmares were full of things he had come to terms with, things he couldn’t change, things he knew were done by his hands but not done by him. </p><p>But he had good dreams too, dreams of him and Steve. Dreams of a future, one where they were happy. There was always a little girl, with blue eyes and brown hair and a mischievious grin, who clung to Bucky’s metal hand like it was no big deal, who slept curled up on Bucky’s chest. Those dreams were worth the nightmares, living the life he wanted, even if it was only in his dreams. </p><p>It wasn’t until his dreams and his nightmares overlapped that he realized just how cruel the imagination could be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better in the Light of Day

**Author's Note:**

> This one came from a tumblr prompt and also made me really sad. "Bucky and Steve share separate rooms at the tower at first. Bucky is having sweet dreams and feeling swell, dreaming about being back with Steve and the future they have in front of them, but then he sees himself kill Steve and the little girl they adopted his dream and their dogs and wakes up terrified."

Nightmares were something that Bucky was used too, something that had started to happen frequently once his programming had become faulty, and especially as he started to regain his memories. He relived things, in his nightmares, kills and torture and slowly losing his own soul to the hands of HYDRA. But those nightmares were full of things he had come to terms with, things he couldn’t change, things he knew were done by his hands but not done by him. 

But he had good dreams too, dreams of him and Steve. Dreams of a future, one where they were happy. There was always a little girl, with blue eyes and brown hair and a mischievious grin, who clung to Bucky’s metal hand like it was no big deal, who slept curled up on Bucky’s chest. Those dreams were worth the nightmares, living the life he wanted, even if it was only in his dreams. 

It wasn’t until his dreams and his nightmares overlapped that he realized just how cruel the imagination could be. 

****************************************************************************************************************  
It started out wonderful, a breath of fresh air in his lungs as he sat on the balcony, feet propped up on the railing as he scanned the skyline, high enough above all the buildings not to be worried about snipers. No gun in existence could make that range. He could hear Becca playing with the dog inside, the jingling of the dog’s collar making time with the peals of childish laughter. He could hear Steve bumbling around in the kitchen, opening and closing drawers and cabinets, the slosh of a milk carton being set on the counter, the sound of eggs cracking. They were relaxing sounds, letting him know they were alive, and he could feel himself dozing in his seat on the balcony. 

He didn’t truly wake up, not even when the screaming started. Even when he opened his eyes, he still felt the heavy weight of sleep on his mind, and he wondered how he had ended up standing in the living room. He felt like he should be concerned about where the screaming was coming from, but he found nothing but dazed exhaustion where his emotions usually were. It was strange, and somewhere in his mind he knew he should be frightened. But it was as if he was detached from his body. 

He slowly became more aware of his surroundings, eyes focusing on the world around him, and he could see a young girl in a corner, crouched down and looking up at him in fear. He knew that was strange, but couldn’t quite figure out why. Didn’t people usually look at him with fear? he thought to himself, but that thought seemed somehow wrong. Something was wrong with the situation, and he couldn’t figure out what. Something told him that she was not a target, but all witnesses became targets, that was in the programming. The fear in her eyes caused a bitter taste in his mouth, and he decided to end it quickly for the girl, the closest he could get to mercy, and two between the eyes took her down. Somewhere in his mind he screamed as the little girl crumpled to the ground, but he couldn’t figure out why, and pushed that part of his mind away, it’s useless screams were not part of the job.

His next task came in the form of a man, a man he almost recognized, as he came rushing into the room. The man skidded to a stop, obvious horror on his face as he took in the situation, and the Soldier realized he should have ended the man in this moment of weakness. But for some reason he did not exploit the situation, instead standing there and staring coldly at the man. The part of his mind was still screaming in anguish, but he resolutely ignored it as he took in this new threat. 

The man looked shattered, and the Soldier understood that the young girl must have meant something to him. But when the man looked at the Soldier, he looked equally as shattered, no fear in his eyes, just a resolute emptiness that made the voice in the back of his mind scream louder. 

“Bucky….” the man said, voice breaking, tears escaping his eyes as he took in the carnage around him. The Soldier decided Bucky may have been the name of one of the dogs that lay at his feet, though the name sounded familiar. He shuddered, but stood resolutely, raising his gun and levelling it with the man. The man dropped to his knees, shield dropping from his hands and rolling away, and the Soldier wondered why the man had given up so easily. The man didn’t say anything else, just stared with unseeing eyes at the Soldier, the eyes of someone already dead. As the Soldier pulled the trigger, the voice cut off completely, the screaming stopping, and he went back to his seat on the balcony, staring out over the city skyline, mission complete.

****************************************************************************************************************

He woke up with a scream of absolute anguish, hands shaking. He was completely tangled in his blankets and struggled to get free, falling to the ground and springing back up in quick movements. He scrambled towards the wall, pressing himself completely against it as he took in his surroundings. 

He could barely see in the dark, and but JARVIS must have noticed his distress and slowly raised the lights. Bucky’s heart continued to race, and he threw himself out the door and down the hall, bolting towards Steve’s room. In light of the events of his recent dream/nightmare, he knew he shouldn’t trust himself in Steve’s presence, but he had to know that Steve was okay. He had to make sure. 

The thing about his nightmares was that he had never, ever, hurt someone that he cared about. It was as though the possibility had been blocked from his mind. And that’s why this dream frightened him so much, bringing to light his worst fear, that he would somehow hurt Steve. He couldn’t breathe with the possibility, that somehow he had hurt Steve, that maybe it hadn’t been a hellish nightmare but an evil reality. 

He didn’t truly start breathing until he had flung open Steve’s door and found him breathing, hunched over and asleep at his desk. But as the door was opened Steve sprung up, grabbing his shield and taking a defensive stance, and Bucky sighed in relief, deflating and leaning against the door frame. Steve blinked at him, lowering the shield and looking at him inquisitively.

“Bucky? What’s wrong?”he asked, and Bucky shook his head, sliding to the floor.

“Bad dream.” he said quietly, and Steve nodded, moving to sit next to Bucky, leaning his head against Bucky’s shoulder and taking his hand. “I killed you, you and a little girl. It was awful, I wasn’t me anymore. That hasn’t happened before, in any of my nightmares. I had to make sure…….it seemed so real…….”he said quietly, Steve rubbing circles in his hand.

“It wasn’t real, I’m right here, nothing bad happened.” Steve replied quietly, and Bucky chuckled, a listless laugh that caused Steve to face him. 

“But what if it does happen? It could happen Steve.” he said quietly, and Steve shook his head, now taking both of Bucky’s hands and pulling until they were facing eachother. 

“James Buchanan Barnes, you had a nightmare. In fact, your life was a nightmare for a very long time. It’s awful. Does that effect your life now? Yes. Are you still dangerous? Yes. Do I trust you with my life? Yes, I do. I trust that you are yourself, and that you won’t hurt me. Now trust me, Bucky. Things will look better in the light of day.” Steve whispered, kissing both of Bucky’s hands.

“I don’t want to go back to sleep.” Bucky replied quietly, too tired to argue that Steve trusted him too much. Steve never backed down on that argument, forever having too much faith in Bucky, and he just hoped he could live up to that confidence that Steve had in him. 

“Alright, why don’t we watch a movie then? I hear Frozen is good.” Steve said, standing and helping Bucky to his feet. 

They watched movies until dawn came, cuddled on the couch, and Bucky knew that Steve was right. Things weren’t as scary in the light of day.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry you had to suffer this angst with me. Feel free to give feedback, and if you have any prompts of your own feel free to message me! Hope you enjoyed


End file.
